It was several years ago now that my ex actually suggested that the bald eagles that I continuously saw at the beach must be my Power Animal. A Power Animal is a "Shamanic belief of a spirit that guides, helps, and protects an individual." She thought it must be the case, as while I saw the eagles on such a regular basis that my kids and I named the pair Sam, (after Sam the eagle from the Muppet Show) and Betsy (because it seemed like a great old school patriotic woman's name. That and none of us could properly pronounce or spell Sacagawea); and she never saw them on her visits to the beach.
I relished the notion that those majestic birds somehow protected me and gave me strength. Each day I saw them, I greeted them silently and drew the will to make it a great day.
Fast forward five years. I'm still at the beach and I'm still seeing the eagles on a fairly regular basis. Life is humming along for the most part. My career has maintained a plateau, the kids are, for the most, part happy and healthy. I have a pretty good life. I have been back in the seldom calm waters that is the dating scene again. Never getting it quite right....or at least not right enough by my standards. I still sought the eagles' guidance for a path to what was yet to come.
Not long ago, I found someone with whom everything seemed to click. There seemed very little downside to this becoming something great. We even saw the eagles together when walking on the beach together. That was it, I thought, the sign of my happily ever after.
Well, per usual, I couldn't have been more wrong. As soon as it arrived in my life....it was gone. Days passed as I searched for a logic as to what had happened? Nothing came to me. Damn eagles! Letting me get my hopes up like that. Eventually I forced myself to let it go. It was out of my hands from the start, and nothing I could do or say would ever have changed the outcome.
My epiphany unfolded like watching a storm rolling in. You know you're going to get wet, but you can't yet feel the rain. It started Sunday morning when my feet hit the floor. I felt strangely at peace. The hauntings of her were in the back of my memory (where they belonged) and my focus was now on what lay before me, rather than things that had happened in the past. Koval and Sydney were still asleep. It had been decided we would go gallivanting in Milwaukee later that morning, so I had told the kids I'd get up and walk Zooey, allowing them a lazy Sunday morning. I, too, had slept in. Catching up on some much needed sleep. I had skipped my usual stop for a mocha. Deciding instead, to hold out for Stone Creek Coffee when we got to the city. I parked and got out of the Jeep. The sun shone brightly for the first time in what seemed like weeks; casting a blinding brightness across the field as I made my way east towards the beach. I took a moment to bask in the sunlight, as to not take it's very presence for granted. I made the cut south at the water line and officially began my Saturday ritual. I scanned the tree line for the eagles. They were no where to be seen. "Fair weather friends," I scoffed to myself. Not that it mattered. I was content. It was already going to be a good day. Even without the eagles. That was the moment it hit me. They were my Power Animal. And today I didn't need the power. As the years slipped by, I had allowed my shallow needs to redefine what these magical birds meant to me. I wasn't drawing inner strength from seeing them; I was pigeon-holing them as my lucky charm. I was making them the talisman of my life rather that allowing them to by the catalyst to a future I could create by my own will. The day she and I saw them on the beach, they weren't there to wish me luck. They were there to give me the strength to handle the inevitable 'what comes next.'
That realization has trickled over into many aspects of my life since that morning. As superstitious as I am, I also realize that no one or nothing is going to shape my future in the way only I can. Even last night at the restaurant, I didn't lose a finger because I couldn't find the purple handled tongs I have used every day since I started there (I have heard that the tongs have been found, though. Whew). They were nothing more than a familial comfort to me.
I haven't seen the eagles since my epiphany. No matter. I know, when I need them, they'll be there. And when I see them, I will also know what they represent, and I will embrace their presence for what it's worth. They will be there to 'guide, help, and protect' this individual.
